Next Obsession

229

Just a number. At least, I think that's the number. It's actually hard to see, the numbers on the IKEA scale are so small and close together. They also seem quite far away. And it may not even be accurate.

Nonetheless.

I have gained an uncomfortable amount of weight. Not surprisingly. One's metabolism slows down when one quits smoking. The craving for sweet stuff intensifies as a result, too. (All those hormonal adjustments, I guess). And the habit of constant hand to mouth motions is extremely difficult to break.

Funnily enough, I'm not that upset. In a way, I chose to gain this weight and that makes it easier to bear: I'm not ashamed of it. Well, no more ashamed than the numbers were before I quit smoking--which, I think, were about 30 lbs less. In fact, you could say I've gained about 30 lbs of pride--which are far more empowering than 199lbs of shame.

I re-read Martha Beck's "Four Day Win," this time from the back, as she recommends. I discovered something true about myself, which is always fun.

I have noticed that when I approach a project or an interest, I tend to want to know everything I can to figure it out. And apparently, this isn't unique to me! I am the sort of person classified by Beck as one with a "High need for information." So, she says, there is a "diet" program for me--one based on a ton of information. From this position, I pick and choose what I will do. Sounds right. Beck includes a list of books to read in order to get started and I'll be blogging about those as I deal with them.

That need for information, though, is matched with a need for structure--whether high or low. And according to Beck's quiz, I am a low structure kind of gal. So, yeah, I will read up on paints and pigments, tint my own stains and apply them. I will read enough on education to complete an undergrad degree and then teach them according to what I've determined as best for them.

I still need some structure, though, for some things--and that's a valuable insight. In the past, I would either have too much structure (Flylady) and eventually rebel, or too little (our church) and fall away.

The model, for me, is the AT Cure. It provided just the right amount of structure for me to get things done! (And, admittedly, get a LOT done. It's amazing when the right support structure is in place, isn't it?!)

So, I'm prowling the web for something like the Cure to help with weight loss. Is there a message board out there? Is there a support group (on-line)that you know of which would help? Ideally, I'd love to find some on-line buddies to share information and motivation. As for keeping me "accountable" I'm not quite sure I'm ready for that--feels too much like reporting to the headmaster for punishment rather than as something helpful, at the moment!

Caveats:
Not sure when exactly I will start. Soon. Maybe after Christmas. Maybe before. Technically, of course, I'm starting right now. It's all a continuum of action. When will I start "depriving myself of food?" Hopefully never, though fewer chocolate almonds are probably in order.