Doctor of Quitology

I love these certificates.



Isn't it silly how something so frivolous can be so rewarding? A certificate generated by a computer--but created by someone likely toiling earnestly in a government public health office, who knows where, but with that rarest of qualities: a sense of humour, and the wherewithal to get his or her sense of whimsy to prevail through the bureaucracy. An achievement almost as difficult as quitting smoking--and staying quit.

For one whole year.
I love it.

(I'll love it even more next year when our life insurance premiums are lowered).

For some of the people, some of the time...

Apparently, nicotine isn't addictive to everyone, all the time.

Of all the teenagers who experiment with cigarettes, only about a third go on to smoke regularly.

From The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell.

This is why the tobacco companies can get away with saying it isn't addictive.

Even among those who do go on to smoke--some do so regularly and consistently and others don't. I used to know them as "social smokers"--you know, the ones who only smoke when enjoying a beer or wine or whatever. However--smoking IS highly addictive for some people, like me. In fact--there's some thought that the underlying susceptibility to being addicted to smoking is the same as that which predisposes one to become depressed. (oops, sorry to go all grad paper speak on you!) Gladwell puts it much better:

Drugs like Zoloft and Prozac work because they prompt the brain to produce more serotonin: they compensate, in other words, for the deficit of serotonin that some depressed people suffer from. Nicotine appears to do exactly the same thing with the two other key neurotransmitters -- dopamine and norepinephrine. Those smokers who are depressed, in short, are essentially using tobacco as a cheap way of treating their own depression, of boosting the levels of brain chemicals they need to function normally.

So, yeah, I've been a bit depressed.

I do have some Wellbutrin (a trade name for Buprion). I had used it before, about two years ago. I'd managed to quit smoking for about a month. I had thought all it did was take away the cravings. But, it does more. Gladwell quotes Andrew Johnston, head of psychiatry division at the pharmaceutical company Glaxo Wellcome:

"Buprion does two things. It increases your dopamine, so smokers don't have the desire to smoke, then it replaces some of the norepinephrine, so they don't have to agitation, the withdrawal symptoms"

It's been hell. It could have been less hellish, I suppose, if I'd used my medication more consistently. But when I did use it, before, --it was like I flat-lined emotionally. That was a different kind of hell--and it frightened me, somehow, more than the explosive anger I've been experiencing this time around. Anger flares up and goes away. You can go outside when you are angry. You can ask everyone to leave the house for the day if you sense it's going to be a bad one.

But flat lining emotionally is a sort of death--there is no escape--and returning to cigarettes, at that time, felt like a return to life and feeling and all things normal. So, this time, I only took the Wellbutrin for the first few days to help de-amplify the cravings.

And so, here we are. These are my stats, as of today:

Your Quit Date is: Wednesday, October 22, 2008 at 12:00:00 AM
Test Time Smoke-Free: 42 days, 5 hours, 3 minutes and 59 seconds
Cigarettes NOT smoked: 1055
Lifetime Saved: 8 days, 1 hour
Money Saved: $471.24


I do not feel like I have yet "quit"--not once and for all and never again done quit-- I still feel like I have to have my guard up, like I have to be careful. I still have the odd passing thought that a cigarette sure would be nice. So far, I've been able to just let that thought go.

I never knew...

My emotions are all out of whack these days. Angry words fly out of my mouth before I even know I'm angry. If I feel sad, I'm sobbing uncontrollably within minutes. The only thing I'm not experiencing to extreme is joy--and I don't want to think about that, or I'll start crying again. Sheesh.

It's dangerous, though. My usual "coping Strategy" for emotion is to smoke. (Surprise!) I was feeling the urge very strongly this morning...and realised that what was upsetting me would not go away if I had a cigarette. To boost that thought, I did a little reading. I'm shocked.

I learned a few things about smoking I never "knew" before.

• Cigarettes are one of the few consumer products that aren't regulated. I knew this--it just hasn't ever struck me before as a rather dangerous thing.


• Nicotine acts as a vasoconstrictor, meaning it decreases the diameter of your blood vessels and makes it more difficult for blood to flow throughout the body; nicotine also contributes to increased arterial plaque buildup. This forces the heart to work harder and can lead to higher blood pressure and heart attack. More obvious effects of nicotine are cold or clammy hands and feet. Although the heart works harder to pump blood through narrow blood vessels, it isn’t strong enough to get enough blood to the hands and feet to keep them warm.
  Hooray! I'm looking forward to having warmer hands and feet!


• Carbon Monoxide mechanism of action:
  Every single cell in the body requires oxygen to stay alive. Normally, red blood cells carry oxygen throughout the body by attaching it to a molecule called hemoglobin. Think of this as a lock and key process… When oxygen (the key) attaches into hemoglobin (the lock), everything is good. Your muscles work efficiently and your body is happy. However, when you smoke, carbon monoxide attaches itself to hemoglobin in place of oxygen and is carried throughout the body. As a result, you start to feel tired, sluggish, and short of breath since your brain, muscles, and lungs are not getting enough oxygen. Eventually the carbon monoxide falls off or the red blood cells are replaced; however, more carbon monoxide enters the body through continued smoking.
  I really do feel more energetic. And it has come as a complete surprise. Last night I was looking up exercises on the net. I feel more "alive" too--even though my concentration has been utterly shot these past few days!

It's funny. I feel like I've lost ten pounds. I actually got on the scales to check--and I was perplexed to note that I've actually gained (about 3, nothing to worry about). But now that I know this about the CO, it makes sense to me.

This morning, I walked briskly--two times! Once on the way to Church and once on the way back. I have no idea how many years it has been since I've walked briskly. It was really cold out there--especially with the wind. I didn't even realise how fast I was walking until my daughter started lagging behind after walking with me for only five minutes!

I have always blamed my colds hands and feet on my weight. I have always blamed my shortness of breath on my weight, too. (After all, it only came upon me after exertion. If I didn't move, I was fine!) I have always blamed my sluggishness on my lack of sleep.

It's funny--knowing all this is great--but it doesn't relieve me from having to fight the battle of my urge to smoke. Strange. It's like the cravings have a life of their own completely separate from my brain or will. I just have to hold out one minute longer than the craving.

JUST.

ONE MINUTE.

MORE.

Keep praying, if you do. Thanks.

Added Later--
My Mom came over today. I went to give her a hug--and had to back away. Ugh. The smell! (She's a smoker).
My husband has not complained about the smell ever...not once in eleven years. I'm beginning to think he's "smelling-impaired." Man, I wish I still was.

3 Days Quit

The QuitNet gadget stats this morning:

• 3 Days, 12 hours, 50 minutes 16 seconds smoke free


• 88 cigarettes not smoked


• $33.66 and 16 hours of my life saved.

Strangely, I don't actually feel all that different--could be the combination of the meds and the patch. The urges are passing, but I'm still fighting the first and last smoke of the day, and the one after every meal.

This is progress!

The Longest Day

This is from Quitnet--I used the dog's name for a username!

Isn't that neat?
I love it.

Though this day really can't be over too soon.