I made pizza for the family. I thought it would be a lovely treat. And it was. I used Mark Bittman's pizza dough recipe--and I cheated, I gave it a quick kneading after I'd let it rest for about 15 minutes after I first mixed it.
I didn't have six to 12 hours to let it rise on its own.
Pizza used to be something we had on nights I was tired, nights I didn't want to stand, let alone cook. Pizza was a meal for the brain dead and bone tired. It filled a need. It did the trick.
But this pizza? This pizza took planning and forethought. I made the dough the instant the thought occured to me and hours before we'd need it. I made a list of ingredients I knew we'd like. I had my husband pick them up on his way home. He helped me by shredding the cheese as I sauteed week old mushrooms with a little onion so they wouldn't go to waste.
I spread the dough out on the cookie sheet: we each got a quarter to dress as we liked. It was delicious. Everyone loved it--and though I was worried there wasn't enough--now, nearly two hours after eating my bit, I am still comfortably full.
But that wouldn't have happened with my "let's order in because I'm too tired to think" pizza. That pizza, I noticed, left us feeling empty and we were all foraging in the fridge after a few hours. I had been getting concerned, actually, thinking we needed to order more than a large and a medium--and knowing that we really couldn't afford it anymore.
But it sure was convenient.
As is debt.
Planning ahead and thinking about how I am going to cash flow every darn little thing is extremely inconvenient, tiring and time consuming. I have to buy printer ink tomorrow: I have no idea how I am going to pay for it: I didn't put it into the budget when we made it up for this month. No biggie. It just takes figuring it out.
This is not a mature or polite thing to say, but, living my life in debt was like living with frozen pizza. I got what I wanted when I wanted it.
For the most part.
It's hard to give up convenience. It's hard giving up giving in to being brain dead.
It is hard to grow up.
But it may taste better--and keep me happier, longer.