Yesterday, all day, the thoughts whirled in my head: is this IT? Is this my life?
A wee bit of an over-reaction, don't you think?
And--I have to do this again? and again? It's endless.
Yes. It is. Grow up. But it's also physically painless. (Well, mostly. Being on my knees isn't fun but it is so much better than it used to be 19 pounds ago.) It's the mental dialogue that makes it drudgery and something I want to avoid. This series and these posts keep me on track. I am retraining myself. The avoiding is becoming more painful than the doing.
So, this morning, as I was thinking, you know, I think I'll take the day off, I deserve it, I was walking around putting things back where they belonged. I was feeling sorry for myself. You know there aren't that many dishes here, I'll just wait to wash them up until after lunch.
My son is up and has to go to camp this weekend: so I'm doing a load of wash so he can take his favourite pj's. After he had breakfast, I couldn't stand the dishes any longer. I have a project I'm doing in the kitchen. It'll be easier to just wash them and get them out of the way than work around them. So, they're done.
Then, of course, before I hit "publish post" I have to run upstairs and make the bed, pick up the bedroom and swish and swipe the upstairs bathroom. When I came downstairs, the computer was occupied.
And I actually thought, oh, I'll just swish and swipe the bathroom. Hmm, I'm supposed to clean it today. The base of that toilet sure is groddy, it won't take a sec.... Well it did take more than a sec--and I didn't finish the room. I can't physically clean behind the door on my hands and knees. I just don't fit in that teeny tiny bathroom. In a fit of madness, I threw out the mop head I use for this room. It was horrible, it was filthy, it was disgusting. It needed to go. But I haven't found a replacement yet.
So, now my knees and cuffs are wet, and I'm taking the rest of the day off. Oh--except to change the sheets on my son's bed.
Have to put him to work before he leaves for camp.
Whine-free thoughts are a good thing.
I'm just loving your series. I'm one of those annoying people who love cleaning, but I spend so much time with clients who struggle with what you're dealing with all by yourself! You should be really proud of what you've faced!
ReplyDeleteIf it makes you feel better, we all think like that. My work is not in the home, but every once in a while when I leave to work on the mornings, I think, is this really what I'm going to do for the next 40 years. This thought comes to mind especially on fall time when the mornings are dark and I feel very tired and just want to return to bed.
ReplyDeleteBut then when I'm at work it's fine, I like the people I work with and mostly the job itself is fine too.